Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour

:iconecholalic-ellie: More from Echolalic-Ellie

More from deviantART


Submitted on
June 16
Submitted with Writer


9 (who?)
blowing fog like smoke rings,
soles skitter on cement; collect
hiccups, inside laugh 
lines-- careless whisperer.

lay waste to waste,
corral insecurity; suitcases
pack themselves,
empty-- bourbon glasses.

blanket stars spread dissolution,
spear eyes; ice
ferments, yes, yes and
no-- more fire.
Need my head read. :nuu:
Critique from :iconpoetry-critiques:
~LMW (Founder)

How splendid, the images that circulate the mind in such an open clearness. So unique, it feels so different to read - but it's such perfection in that same sense. That, coming mostly from the style - so wonderful, the choice of the line breaks. It makes the read more... focused, per se. I don't often come across pieces such as this, so cheers for that part in quality. Hm... Impact. This is a wonderful piece, and I can't quite bring myself to pinpoint it, so it may just be me. There's an impact there, a feeling left, it's just that it doesn't feel as though something very... thought-provoking in a sense that it's something that leaves me thinking on a subject, almost re-thinking it. Again, perhaps just a personal thing of mine. But overall, quite well done - I very much so like this. :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is near-perfection. The line breaks are splendid. I adore this piece. <3
Echolalic-Ellie Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :heart:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! :heart:
Add a Comment: